My Catholic Road to Jesus

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I am Shaam Fernando from Wennappuwa - Sri Lanka, I am married and we have one child . I am 35 years old. First of all I should say that I am sorry for my poor English usage here. But for the glory of the Lord, I should mention my experience any how.

I am a graduate in the field of business administration of the university of Sri Jayawardenapura. My wife's parents took about 75% of my expenses of the university life. Before my marriage, my mother in law said that they do not expect a higher luxury life but a simple life. I also prefer to a simple life style and then I dreamed to spend a satisfactory life, because expectations of both my parents in law and me were almost same. At that time, my parents in law were working in Italy and my wife is the only child they have. In some incidents, I felt, some times, that it would be difficult to live with my wife's parents. But I loved them so much that my heart did not accept that difficulty. Any way, after our marriage in 2001, they went Italy again and we settled at their home.

After my degree, I did several jobs, but I could not satisfy with them. I started a small business as a part time work with my job. The business was - I brought some products from Italy through my wife's parents and supplied them to super markets and shops. That business was run in very small scale but I could build up a good relationship with banks and super markets. My wife's parents came back to Sri Lanka at May 2006 to settle here (for not going to Italy again). Within this 5 years period from my marriage, I had many bad experiences from my wife's parents and those incidents broke my heart severely. There was a clear gap between my wife's parents and me instead of the love which was in my heart. When they live with us, the situation became worse. There was no more love in my heart towards them.

I needed to get separated from them. Actually, if I tell the truth I needed to give them a lesson of return rather than just getting separated from them. So I needed to have a separate luxury home as soon as possible. I needed to show my wife's parents that I also can build a luxury house. I needed to punish them. If I really needed only to get separated from my wife's parents, I should have decided to find a home or annex on rent.

I asked my brother to give me his land for getting a bank loan for a massive expansion of my business. Because of the relationship with the bank I had built up, the bank approved me Rs. 3.4 Million (around US $ 31,000). I imported a very large quantity of biscuits from Italy after getting information of a market research. Before I import the goods, I felt the risk of fail of the business. But I was pushed by the pressure of the family background to import that very large quantity of biscuits. My target was to own a luxury home as soon as possible and to be a rich man closing the problems from my wife's parents. But my collapse began from that point.

My business failed and collapsed. Now the total of my debts is Rs. 7 Million (around US $ 63,500). I tried to save the land from the bank by paying the bank installments from out side personal loans. Finally I am in a problem of both bank loan and out side loan. If the land mortgaged to the bank was mine, certainly I would give up the land to be owned to the bank. But now I can't do that, because that land is of my brother. Till June of last year, I lived with my parents in law with very dangerous anger. Some times I felt to assault my wife parents. I should say one thing. In every incident, my wife was with me, she understood every thing clearly.

That is my story seen by a human eye.

But after June of last year, I saw the Lord's plan regarding me. Till June of last year, there was a big gap between the church and me and I observed the religion in my own way of which I thought correct. When the pressure from my parents in law came to me, I decided and I selected the solution. I made operated what I wanted and prayed the God to help me. When the God did not help me, I went some other places to get my business successful. So I lived in the darkness.

One day, one of our relatives had told of my wife about the pray meeting conducted by The Community of Risen Lord. But I told my wife “no results from those things and don't go there”. But she told me about the pray meeting several times and finally I accompanied her and dropped her at the pray meeting and I went super markets, shops etc to spend time. My wife was very interested in participating in the pray meeting. After some weeks (June of 2009), I had no places to go to spend time. Then I also came to the pray meeting because I had no any other option. On that day, Lalith thaththa was explaining the Holly Word. Actually here my English knowledge is not enough to express what happened to me at that day. Lalith thaththa's words fell into my heart just like an anchor. I realized how much I opposed to Jesus. I understood all my sins, and all those sins came to the top of my head. From that day, we continued the participation in the pray meeting. One day, when we participated in the pray meeting at Negombo, Anton thaththa explained the Holy Word. On that day, Jesus touched me. Normally when I wake up in the morning, all my debt problems come to my mind and from the morning I was suffering from head ache, pressure. But after Jesus touched me, in the morning of the next day, I thought why those problems did not come to my mind. Although I needed to think of them, I could not do that. What a freedom! Praise Jesus! Praise the Lord! Not only that but also my anger towards my parents in law, vanished. That anger became just like dry. Praise Jesus! Praise the Lord!

One day I met Lalith thaththa at Thabor and he told me to participate in the Four Steps Retreat at Ja Ela. Accordingly, we participated in the Four Steps Retreat at Ja Ela last year. After that Four Steps Retreat, I went for a confession after about 20 years. Now I have become a new man. I feel the freedom of the brightness of Jesus. Still the problems are around me just like lava, because my debt problems still remains same (not same but increasing day by day), but inside of my heart, I have a massive freedom.

Now I say this sentence honestly “I thank Jesus for giving me this big problem which has still no solution”, because I met Jesus because of this problem. Jesus made me fallen to get closer to Him.

Anton thaththa helped us so much to solve our problem. I got counsel from Anton thaththa several times and he made my parents in law understood about my debt problem. Till Anton thaththa revealed them about our actual situation, my parents in law did not know our debt problem. Explaining to them about our problem was a very difficult and tough task, because my parents in law are most probably unchangeable. But proving the fact that nothing is impossible to the God, now my parents in law are willing to sell their only land with living home and to settle my debt problems. Thank you Jesus for healing me. Praise Jesus! Praise the Lord! Alleluia ! Alleluia ! I had no solution for my debt problem. But although still it was not solved or the solution was not still executed, now I have a solution - selling the land with our home.

Now Jesus has given me 3 miracles.

1.   The freedom in my heart from my debt problem, although debt amount is increasing day by day.
2.   Disappearance of my anger towards my parents in law.
3.   The conversion of my parents in law.

These things are not possible to the human.

All what I have to say about the Community of Risen Lord is what says in Jacob 5;19 of the Holy Bible.

My experience is - The Lord shows the man his past and present but keeps hidden the future of the man. If we try ourselves to decide our future which we can never see with human mind, that is where we go wrong in our lives. We should hand over our lives and the future to the Lord for His plans, then we can have the peace and the pleasure of Jesus.

Thank you Jesus! Alleluia ! Alleluia ! Praise the Lord !

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